March 4, 2011

I Hate My Friend’s Kid…Now What?

Posted in bad parents, children, Family, Friends, Motherhood, Parenting tagged , , , , , , , at 9:18 pm by A Gal With A Story To Tell

Recently my hubby and I reconnected with an old friend we had lost touch with for several years.  It was great catching up and planning get togethers but there is one problem…we can’t stand his kid!  I know, it’s a major problem.  In theory it’s a great thought, the kids can play and entertain themselves and we can have adult conversations…imagine that.  Not only do I want to avoid that child like the plague I don’t want them around my little nugget to pick up on the bad behavior and attitude.  I just can’t seem to find a solution other than phase this friend (and his demon spawn child) out.

We’ve already started avoiding gatherings and turning down invitations with quick but carefully crafted excuses.  Part of me thinks that our friend knows something is up, but I truly don’t think he would ever suspect it has anything to do with problem child.  My first thought is- can you really be that oblivious to your child’s behavior?  Let’s say for argument’s sake you can be, how do you not notice the reaction of ALL of your friends and family?  When you tell the story, “I don’t know why, they just stopped coming around” about various friends, over and over and at no point look to see what the common element of the story is that’s a problem.

I love children, almost all of them, it takes a downright nasty little bugger to bring me to the point of saying I can’t stand that kid.  Generally I can empathize- parents are divorced, they’re unpopular in school, child has a condition, whatever.  This kid is just a little jerk, rude and disrespectful to adults and children, – family, strangers, grandparents, friends, classmates…a delightful child.  My husband and I do our best not to reprimand other people’s children (unless they are a danger to themselves or others) but this kid is pushing it.  For some reason a lot of this child’s venom is directed at my husband, rude jokes, hitting, throwing things, and continual annoyances (repeated poking to the chest while you are having a conversation…enough to make you imagine throwing the child out of the yard over a six-foot fence) that drive you to lose your mind.  Without screaming in the child’s face (because in the end this is a child and that would be wrong) how do you deal with this?  Friends and family of ours have mentioned that they can’t stand the kid either and have passed on our events because they don’t want to deal…what’s the answer?

My question to you: Have you been forced to phase out a friend because you hate their kid?  Is there an alternative to the phase out?  Have you ever confronted a friend and said listen your kid is a monster and I/we can’t handle it…did blood shed ensue?  Are you still friends?

4 Comments »

  1. Expressmom said,

    Been there done that. I have tried all different methods. The best so far is planning events without the kids & just meeting up with the parent if you like them. (If you don’t like the parents don’t even bother to phase it, just say “No, sorry, too busy.”) If you are confronted plainly by a parent you like (& I’ve yet to have that happen… my theory is they know the truth and are smart enough not to want the answer,) but, if they ask you point blank, I would NOT admit the truth. Ie, Your kid is a monster. I would say “Gee, my little one is just not feeling friendly lately & I’d hate to have them get together & have my little one act up. Let’s just have a mom’s night out.

    I hope you really wanted an answer! Otherwise, apologies for the novel.

  2. Good advice, we have planned events that we all assumed would be for adults and he brought the kid…guess we’ll have to be very specific next time-no kids!

  3. KarlaMCurry said,

    If one of my friends’ kids were doing these things, she would already know I have a problem, because I would speak up while the problem-kiddo was hitting me or poking me over and over and over. It would be talked about, then and there – not just ignored by everyone in the room.

    I would have no problem being honest, instead of making up lame excuses. You don’t have to speak for everyone you know, make it sound like the whole world is against this child, but you can set your boundaries and suggest a date w/o kids.

    Just my two cents’!

  4. TK said,

    I’m wondering the same things.

    The friend in question is a cherished one I’ve had since grammar school. But her kids are…well, horrible. They both have ADHD so I’ve tried with all my heart to be understanding. I correct them nicely but firmly, all the while I am met with a blank stare and a continuation of whatever it was I just asked them not to do. A few weeks ago, the youngest (6) was attempting to pry the screens from our windows–and my friend simply shrugs, “That’s why everything in our house is destroyed.”–how do you handle this tactfully?

    Lately, my friend has been dropping by unannounced, children in tow. Which leaves us scrambling into a darkened room like there are Jehovah’s Witnesses outside. I have told her repeatedly not to do this, that we are just not set up for kids. Her reply? “But the boys just wanted to see you!” (They don’t. They never even speak to me, preferring instead to shriek and cry and tear through my house.)

    Years elapse wherein I have no contact with this friend. It breaks my heart. But I am always hoping, ever-optimistic that time will make these children better. Because their parents are simply not going to parent any more attentively, it seems. Which is frustrating because, otherwise, this is a thoughtful, interesting person that I sorely miss spending time with–and there’s the added pressure of being the only person, with or without children, who hasn’t jumped ship. (I’m the lucky one in that I only have a small dog they enjoy squeezing. Her child-bearing friends had to endure their kids being regularly spit on and choked. Sigh.)

    Apologies, Excellent-Writer-With-A-Wordpress. I stumbled upon this entry whilst once again hiding from aforementioned bad kids and just needed to vent. Glad I’m not the only one!


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